Incels are involuntarily celibate men who believe that they are unable to form romantic relationships as a result of factors outside of their control. The phenomenon has grown in recent years in terms of platform membership and has attracted increasing media attention. To date, much of the research on incels has relied on content analysis of incel forums. There is a dearth of scholarship which relies on firsthand accounts. This research is among the first studies to step into this gap. This research comprises 12 interviews with both current and former self-identified incels, investigating why some lonely men choose to identify as incels. Interviewees were asked to share their “blackpilling stories”, and invited to discuss experiences which they felt played an important role, so that common features could be identified. This research identifies three key points in an individual’s journey to “taking the blackpill”, which will be of benefit to those designing interventions targeted at incels. First, it is found many incels are socially isolated. A number of factors are found to contribute to this isolation, including being “off-time”, neurodivergence, and a belief that they are unfairly persecuted for their beliefs. The concept of the “Lost Boy” is introduced to describe young men who find themselves in this situation, and who may be at particular risk of radicalisation, as they seek answers to various complex questions at an especially vulnerable stage of their lives. Secondly, it is found that in the absence of supportive networks, Lost Boys resort to the internet for advice and guidance. At this point, it is likely they will be exposed to content that could reasonably be described as ‘Red Pilled’ – an ideology that is arguably less extreme than the blackpill, but supported by the same undergirding logic. However, a number of factors prevent the Red Pill from offering satisfactory answers or solutions to many of these ‘seekers’, and the typical trajectory observed is a progression to Blackpill ideology. Finally, this research finds that incel communities function as affective counterpublics, which reinforce and affirm member’s grievances, by consistently evoking negative emotions. Although this may provide some transitory community and catharsis, the torrent of negative content shared on these spaces only serves to instil feelings of hopelessness in members, as the community offers no vision of meaningful change at an individual or collective level.